108. Briefly
How we look back. 2025 year-end retro, snow in NYC, animating lemons. Contrasts and contractions. Bonus for Investors: Academy film pitch.
Yesterday I woke to a blanket of snow over New York City.
When I drew apart the curtains, big, fluffy flakes were still falling. A steady dusting would continue for hours. I suppose we’ve had some every year, but it’s hard for me to recall local snowfall after 2019. All of Manhattan seemed outdoors by 11am. A sugary Central Park was populated by miniature human beings in pastel-colored puffers slinging snowballs. It was as if the city had fallen under a spell. To my delight this happened on a Sunday, when I try to be clear of plans. The fullness of the day, and its snows, could be all to myself.
As the year comes to a close—again!—I marvel at the cyclical relentlessness of all things: relationships, history, desire, violence.
This morning I awoke to shootings in Sydney and Rhode Island, as well as the deaths of Rob and Michele Reiner. My mother’s voice was thin on the phone. Yesterday’s elation gave way to a dull lowness (surely to rise, and fall, again).
The radiator whistled.
I recently read the Best American Essays [of] 2025, over half of which were about war, hunger, decay, and disaffection. Saturated, I favored those that were less on the nose, like “Zeppole" by Khalil Abusharekh and those that felt more tonally cool (at least on the surface), like Nuar Alsadir’s “On Boredom,” as well as those that felt removed altogether, like “How to Love Animals” by Matthew Denton-Edmundson.
Of course, none of these are truly “removed;” each essay political (how can anything not be, now?); carefully curated and desperate in one way or another.
Afterward, I had a strange feeling of missing something that likely never existed in the first place.
From William Deresiewicz’s “Respect, or the Missing Relation:”
But if we need to love the other in order to treat them correctly, then we’re all in a great deal of trouble. We should not have to empathize or sympathize or understand or “leap the chasm of otherness” or “be in relation.” We only have—but this is not an easy thing—to see the other in itself and for itself.
Yesterday I woke to a blanket of snow over New York City.
2025 retro
I write a summary of milestones every year to track professional progress and notable shifts. If it feels gratuitous, please skip to “In the Studio” or “In closing;” I won’t be offended.
I became a Jerome Hill Artist Fellow (film).
I became a Periplus Fellows (creative non-fiction).
I was shortlisted for the Academy’s Gold Fellowship for Women.
My film 엄마 나라 | Mother Land (trailer) screened at four festivals—two domestic, two abroad. In the next issue (on December 30th) I’ll be releasing it online to everyone after over three years in the festival circuit.
I went to Korea to begin research for my next film.
I showed in two exhibitions: Leisure | 여유 (linework mounted on maple) for Hanbeon Deo at Golden HOF here in NYC.
Message · 통신 for Yaksok (my first sculptural piece, acrylic on suspended hanji) in Los Angeles.
I attended a summer session at Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing and came away with both knowledge and connections.
I finished and submitted one essay, “Versions,” with responses currently pending from three journals. I had planned on writing and submitting four this year.
I read fewer than ten books (not including audio books). Reading so little longform fiction/creative nonfiction has much to do with me falling short of my writing goals.
I filmed a formal pitch that got me shortlisted for an Academy fellowship. Investors, you can finally see the 3 minute video, below.
I began animating on paper for the first time (versus digitally then transferring onto paper), using Dragonframe and a custom downshooter setup.
I received generous guidance and mentorship from professionals who are not obligated to me in any official capacity. Of note are Anna Samo, a member of the Academy and one of the founders of Animation Speak/Easy; and Dr. Donald Quist, an author and professor of creative writing.
As in recent years, I sought quarterly critique from animator and educator Amanda Bonaiuto, who continues to be an invaluable and timely source of wisdom and insights.
Other notables:
I was beleaguered by tendinitis this year, a late summer flare-up followed by weeks of food poisoning/stomach flu, then a lingering sinus infection—all of which were unusual for me and hampered an already stop-and-go practice in 2025.
I saw at least nine theatre performances, including Shakespeare in the Park’s Twelfth Night at the newly renovated Delacorte starring Lupita Nyong’o and Sandra Oh; Waiting for Godot starring Keanu Reeves; Eurydice starring Maya Hawke; Trophy Boys starring Louisa Jacobson; and the intense and marvelous Oedipus starring Lesley Manville.
My mother came to visit me in NYC. She came with my sister, with whom I’d been increasingly estranged. I’d been working on this relationship for over a decade and, for the first in a long time, we felt like sisters again.
In the Studio
Here’s something I’ve been noodling on:
It’s a sequence of lemons that will fit into the story somewhere down the line. I don’t work linearly, and it’s been cool to learn that I’m not alone (writers Susanna Clarke and R.F. Kuang work in out-of-order chunks, as does animator Sarah E Jenkins).
The looping keys are kind of fun on their own:
I want it to be pretty slow though so there’s been a lot of tedious (albeit meditative) in-betweening:
Just as I got going, I noticed that the shots were shifting for no discernible reason. I thought that my latest downshooter iteration would prevent something like this, so I was disheartened.
The focus shifts, as noted by “1” and “2” in the lower left of the following animated GIF, may look subtle at a glance, but that kind of problem compounds in animation, resulting in e.g., flicker when new images are edited in between existing shots:
I would walk away for a minute then come back to find that shots didn’t look right. I thought I was going crazy.
So that’s been a disruptive drag.
After talking to Dragonframe folks, I realized that this could be a software issue rather than a mechanical one. I’ve reverted to a dev build, and so far that seems to have quieted the gremlins…🤞
Always something 😬
Provisions
For inspiration and restoration:
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke. I thought this had just come out, but it was actually published in 2020! She’s the author of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, which I also loved. Piranesi is a triumphant re-entry after a decade and a half’s hiatus due to illness. An interview here. I listened to the audio in addition to reading the book; it is excellently narrated by British actor Chiwetel Ejiofor.
The neti pot. Whenever my sinuses are out of whack, rinsing them with distilled water and dedicated salts greatly shortens the length of downtime. This is the one I have.
Mug cakes, especially on cold nights, with a movie. This one from NYT Cooking is pretty bomb. Cut down on sugar or use allulose (don’t @ me).
The peanut butter from Target. I eat a lot of ground peanuts and this is the GOAT. No salt, no sugar.
The LAMY Safari rollerball pen. Smooth as butter.
Flamingo Estate Olive Oil. I like giving (and getting) things that can be eaten or drunk. I just received a bottle of this grassy, velvety expression and it’s perfect for the gourmand in your life.
Coltrane medium-roast decaf beans from Wimp. Full disclosure, the owner is a friend, but I’m really picky about coffee and these are wonderful. If you like Intelligentsia’s Black Cat Espresso beans like I do, you will be hooked on these as a decaf alternative.
Suna Chocolates. Delicious high art made by another friend. If you’re in Arizona, these are worth your attention and taste buds.
In closing, radiator
Earlier this week a plumber was working on one of the building’s radiators and forgot to flip the boiler switch back on. That night the temperature fell to 20º F, “feels like 5º.” As it was near midnight when I noticed the rapid cooling of the apartment, I decided to wait until morning to call my landlady.
My flat is always toasty warm, so much so that I have the luxury of keeping the windows open during the bitterest of winter nights. It was shocking to be reminded how insulated I am by modern comforts, and how significant their obliviating power. How exposed I would be without them—in the woods, or at sea.
This year I turned increasingly inward. Retreating at the slightest whiff of drama, withdrawing into a contracting circle of confidants, recusing myself from rooms.
It’s been nice, and I think important, to focus on priorities and meaning in this way, especially in the context of repetitions. Not that this is not hard. Aloneness—despite glittering events, rich bread, warm hearths—can be no less burdensome than loneliness, its more passive and plaintive cousin.
The surfacing clarity is that certain contrasts are worth exploring while others should be gracefully retired. And that what I’m navigating is a desire to engage in a new capacity.
Until next time.
Bonus for Investors: Vespertine pitch
Investors! Below is the 3-minute pitch that got me shortlisted for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Gold Fellowship for Women.